I Remember Everything
by mrs.salvatore39
Summary: scene to shot fic for 4x01 Elena confronts Damon about everything he compelled her to forget, but he won't take all the blame. Emotional LEMON


_a/n: hi everybody! I've been sick these past few days and real life has been hell, so I really needed to escape into Delena for a little while. I have a TON of Delena fics coming up! I have been…distracted by my new obsession for Batman&Catwoman but I am and always will write Delena. Never fear.  
__This new season is definitely heading in the right direction. I mean, it will all depend on what happens on this weeks episode but we will see. And if it all does go wrong for us fans like we're so used to, at least we will have our fanfiction._

_So…I'm back!_

_p.s. I wrote a fic 'Small Comforts' during the summer about Elena remembering all of what Damon compelled her to forget and to me it was a really big, powerful deal so I figured I would give Damon a shot this time around. _

Damon's POV

I had to get away from this place, had to get away from her. "You were going to kill him!" she was three steps behind me. It would be easy, so easy to snap her neck. And now that she was a vampire I could get away with it without any consequences. Well okay, the consequence of her being pissed at me, but at least that was something I was used to. And no doubt it would make her not speak to me for a few weeks, which would give me some peace.

"Yup. Guy just won't die." I understood that _Matty _was her highschool love and all, but did he really mean that much to her that she was going to continue to sacrifice herself over and over for him? She was a vampire now, a selfish being. She had to learn how to be that way before the inner torment began tearing her apart like it did for me every damn day.

"It was my choice to save him, why aren't you seeing that?"

"Cuz it's a little hard to keep track of all your choices lately Elena." She blinked and I held no remorse for airing that particular article of dirty laundry. Her choice to pick Stefan over me is what started all of this to begin with. If she hadn't gone back home, she might not even be a vampire right now. Did she even realize that?

My comment must have hurt her because she was actually quiet for a few seconds, and I hoped this was my escape. Hoped I could just get in the car and drive away, but before I could even make it to the driver's side, she stopped me. "I remember everything." My heart dropped in my stomach, and was stuck in my throat all at once. Would she be pissed? Would she feel loved? I assumed from her tone pissed was the route she was choosing to go on this one. I wasn't sure exactly how to react, but clearly her revelations had only put me further into her bad book so I didn't speak. Not that I'd expected her to jump into my arms and declare her undying love for me when she remembered everything, but a sick part of me had hoped that those two moments of our history would at least change something for her. "One of the highlights of my transisiton; remembering everything you compelled me to forget." I came back to face her, not able to meet her eyes just yet. "Like how you and I met first; you were a stranger that told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?"

Then the even sicker realization hit and I fought not to clear my throat. She would not get the pleasure of knowing how afraid, how worried I was. The result made my tone strained, deep. "Would it have made a difference?" I finally met her gaze, but she didn't answer. Even if I had told her about that night in the woods, she still would have chosen Stefan. It was just who she was. "I didn't think so."

"You asked me to make a choice, Damon. So I did. If you're going to be mad, then be mad at me. Don't take it out on Stefan or Matt or anyone else. Me!"

Oh, I could take it out on her alright, especially now that she wasn't as fragile as she had been before. The vampire in me definitely wanted to, the monster wanted to. But that sick twisted part; the one that hoped, the one that feared; it stopped me from laying a hand on her. And I now had another reason to hate that sick twisted part of myself. The part of myself that she awakened inside me; my humanity. "Are we done here?"

"If it had been you on the bridge last night and not Stefan, and I'd begged you to save Matt-"

"I would have saved you! In a heartbeat, no question." And that was the truth, even though I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear. But it was what she needed to hear, because she needed to understand exactly how I felt, if the last couple years hadn't told her already. For a girl so smart, she really didn't get it at all. My devotion to her was so much deeper than Stefan's. I challenged her however, didn't do everything she wanted me to and she didn't like that very much. The fact that I did what I wanted, what I thought was best scared her because she was the one that liked being in control. Liked making the hard and fast choices, even if it meant her own death. Well, I would rather watch this town burn with everyone in it and save her if that was the only choice I had to make. Even if that meant she would hate me for it.

"That's what I thought." She nodded her head, all teary-eyed and self righteous and pitying and I really wanted to strangle her or kiss her or something. Anything to make her see reason. "And Matt would be dead because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead!"

"But you wouldn't be!" I yelled back, hoping that would sink into her thick skull, because that for me is what it came down to. It wasn't that I had a problem with her being a vampire. I couldn't care less what she was as long as she was here to breathe and be mine one day. But she hated this and I could have saved her from that. "And you would have gotten to grow up, and have the life that you wanted; the life that you deserved. And I know that I didn't used to get that, but I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena- and I gladly would have let Matt die, because I am that selfish." The walls had fallen down from her eyes, not completely accepting but understanding what I was saying. I took the advance, stepped closer to her, needing to even with all my want to get away from her. I still wanted to pull her close. "But you knew that already. The first night we met 's not all you remember."

I didn't let her speak again, just turned around, got in the car and drove away.

* * *

I'd known that she'd had her own vehicle, so I really didn't feel too bad leaving her there. I did however imagine that she would get in her car, cry, beat the steering wheel and then go home to cry some more. Was it sick and twisted of me that I liked the thought of her crying? Not just in general of course, no the humanity in me wanted to comfort her and take care of her. But right now the vampire was too dominant and it took pleasure in the fact that she was crying over me. Over what I said. Over the fact that I was right and she was wrong. So with a cocky smile on my face and the weathered, first edition copy of Wuthering Heights on my chest I lay in bed not really reading, and thinking about her laying in bed, crying over me and feeling damned. For surely, she was damning me into her pillow as she wept.

Then I heard it; her vehicle outside the house and the blood in my veins froze and the smirk was instantly wiped right off my face. Holy fuck, she'd come here. Why the hell had she come here? Maybe it was to see Stefan, that made sense. It was always Stefan right, so if I just stayed up here locked in my room she might not even realize that I'm home. Except that the Camaro is parked right out front, but even then. Would she care that I was here? Perhaps she had a stake and she was coming to finish me off? Perhaps her newborn emotions had twisted her hurt and anger into a blind rage and she couldn't control herself? The options were too many, and most too grave to think about so I stayed here, frozen in bed waiting for the front door to slam, waiting for her to drive away.

The seconds ticked on like minutes before she entered the house and I almost let out a sigh, that at least I knew she was somewhere. The image of her leaping through my window silently, creeping out of the shadows and staking me had crossed my mind, as insane as it was. The truth of the matter was though, we still weren't sure what kind of vampire she would be. There could very easily be Ripper tendencies in her just as likely as she could become even more self destructive, and caring. It was all about how she took to the life as a vampire. Then her footsteps were on the stairs, and she was coming up here and I knew she wasn't after Stefan because his room was on the floor lower than mine. I picked this floor because of the master bathroom and as the older, stronger, better looking brother I win. Everything.

Well, except the girl. I never win the girl.

"Damon!" she shouted my name down the hall as she approached and I had to smile. Was it smart of her to give me a warning? Or did she realize that I knew she was already coming.

"In here." I called back, not moving from the bed and instead turning my eyes back on the book. She thought I was some cold, heartless monster. I'd show her how cold and heartless I could be. "Ready and waiting."

She threw the door open, but I still didn't look up. She came up to the end of the bed, glaring at me but I still didn't look up. Instead, I gingerly turned the page, grimaced as if I was thinking hard and then continued to pretend to read. "Are you going to continue to ignore me?" she demanded.

I had to admit, I liked her angry like this. It suited her somehow. She was always so reserved as a human, unless she was crying or slapping me. Usually one followed the other. I wondered if she would slap me now. "What can I do for you?"

"You left me there." She crossed her arms, but I refused to look up.

"It's not like you were stranded. Grow up."

"You want me to grow up!" she stomped around to my side of the bed, grabbed the book from my hands and threw it across the room. The spine was damaged enough even with the care I'd taken with it, but it did not tear. I glared at her all the same, sitting up.

"That was childish. Do you have any idea how much that book is worth? More than your house!"

"Oh you're not pissed about some stupid book!" she shouted, her eyes burning. She felt tough, she felt strong. The newborn adrenaline was rushing through her as her transition began to complete.

"And you're not pissed that I tried to kill Matt!"

"Oh I'm not!"

"No you're not!" I stood up out of bed, towering over her. "You're pissed that I took your memories away!"

"It's not just that Damon. You took my choice away. How could I properly choose between you and Stefan if I didn't know how you felt?"

"Bullshit!" I pushed past her, moving away from the bed, away from her. "You knew how I felt. The whole damn town knew how I felt!"

"But I never actually heard the words from your mouth. Until that night, and then you didn't even give me a chance to say anything. You took the memory away and then that was it."

"You were in love with Stefan, devoted. Completely. For Christ's sakes, you still are. We were dying, I was dying and you still choose him even though he had all your friends to be with him. You left me alone to die in a freaking storage facility with Klaus's corpse!"

"That's what your mad about isn't it! That I didn't choose you!"

"I'm mad that it's always Stefan! And yes! Maybe that's childish but I don't care. Just once, I want to be someone's first choice."

"You sabotaged that when you took away the memory of us meeting!"

I glared at her hard, coming up to her so our bodies were nearly pressed together. She stepped back, closer to the bed. "Don't you dare blame this on me. I was never supposed to see you again."

"But you did, and you still said nothing! Did nothing!"

"What was I supposed to do Elena? Your parents were dead, you were grieving. You needed time. You wouldn't even speak to Matt. I watched you for weeks while I hid from Stefan. I risked my neck to see if you were alright. But Stefan was the one that had saved you, and he was going to come for you, I knew he was. You didn't even know I existed. I couldn't open you up to the world of vampires before you were ready when you were still dealing with so much."

"Plus you were crazy searching for Katherine."

"And I was crazy searching for Katherine." I stopped, noticing that she wasn't yelling anymore. "I fucked up Elena, but it wasn't all me. You chose Stefan, time and time again. I never wanted to force you into anything. And I certainly never wanted to force you into choosing me. If I'd told you that night that we had met first, and you had possibly come to be with me while I died we would both have spent the rest of our lives wondering if you only came because of that reason. You had to make the choice."

"And I chose the one that killed me. I chose the one that turned me into a monster." She whispered now, tired of yelling. Tired of the fights and the lies and the secrets. And I couldn't exactly blame her. I was just as tired of it.

"You're not a monster." I felt my tone, my eyes, and the lines of my face all soften. I reached up, framing her face with my hands, running my fingers through her hair. "You're still Elena, my Elena. You're just less fragile now."

She laughed a little, slightly but her smile faded immediately. "I never wanted to be this Damon."

"I know." I pulled her into my arms, glad the fight was over and that everything was out in the open. She would go now, I was sure of it. "You should get some sleep, get home before the sun rises."

She nodded, her cheek pressed to my chest. I could feel the heat of her skin through the fabric. She still held some of her body warmth; a little because she hadn't fully turned. Her arms only tightened around me though, and I thought for a minute she was going to start crying. So I waited, ready to comfort her and hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. But the tears never came and I felt myself growing a little worried. I peered down at her, and she lifted her face to mine, her lower lip between her teeth. "Damon, I…I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

"I don't…I don't want you to freak out."

"I'm not going to freak out." I smiled, hoping it would calm her as I smoothed her hair down the back of her head.

"I don't want you to think it's just because of what happened today, I mean it is partly…but you must realize on some level that I always have…I mean you did right? You knew…how I felt…it's not that I just loved Stefan…it might have been more…everything is so heightened now…so much, too much." She was babbling, but I got the idea of what she was trying to say.

"Shhhh Elena. It's okay."

"No, no it's not okay. You've put yourself out there so many times. You love me, and I knew I always felt something for you but it wasn't right. It was the right time I guess, but I'm a vampire now and I'm scared. Too scared. Overly scared. I'm terrified and I thought that maybe if I could stay angry, focus on being mad at you that I wouldn't have to feel scared. But I am scared anyway and I want you to know that it's not just because everything is heightened, but I love you and I wish I'd realized it before I turned into this, this thing I am now."

I held her close, breathing in her scent and trying to burn the sensation of her this close to me into my brain so I would never forget how good it felt to hold her. "I'm here, I'm right here."

"I love you Damon."

The words were muffled as she buried her face in my neck, but I heard them. I was glad she wasn't crying, glad she hadn't gone home to cry into her pillow and damn me to hell after all. Instead she'd come here to yell at me and tell me she loved me. "I love you too."

She took a big deep breath and leaned back, looking up at me. "Now what do we do?"

I gritted my teeth. "You have to tell Stefan. I won't share you."

She nodded, pulling him closer. "I'm supposed to meet him in a little while. He's supposed to give me something."

"Your daylight ring." I answered, knowing what baby brother had planned. If I had anything to say about it, that would be the only ring he would ever give her. "Do you want to wait until after that?"

"Wait for what?" she asked, my eyes darting to the bed on their own accord. It wouldn't be the first time I'd taken my brother's girl to bed but that didn't mean I liked the idea. I wanted her, and she wanted me…and she'd chosen me right?

"I'm a terrible person." She said, shaking her head, looking down at the floor."

"Why is that?" her hands smoothed down my chest, to the opening of my shirt and then back up to lace her fingers around my neck.

"I don't want to wait." She shook her head; she pulled me close, forgetting her own strength so I was nearly winded against her. Her kiss pushed life back into my body and within minutes we were naked and on the bed.

She wasn't his anymore, and we'd waited too long for a few ceremonious words to really end the relationship she'd chosen as a human. This Elena, my Elena; the vampire Elena had made a new choice. She'd nearly died tonight and yet she'd come here to share her first night as this new creature. She wasn't a monster to me, she was beautiful. I memorized every inch of her as I uncovered new flesh, seeing nothing but her. Nothing but Elena. She tried to cover up a few times, but I forced her arms above her head, holding them there. She must have realized how beautiful I thought she was because eventually she stopped fighting me. I kissed everywhere I could reach, and she returned the gesture. We had to relearn how to handle each other. I didn't have to be as gentle and she had to hold back a bit of her strength. It was almost therapeutic, to see how the other half used to be.

She would scratch me, and actually draw blood. I would hold her down, and not have to worry about the amount of strength. She could gain the upper hand without me letting her win. I could hold her tight and not worry about bruises. It was freeing, it was liberating. It was beautiful. My name fell from her lips as I thrust into her and she tightened around me, claiming me as hers as my fangs sunk into her neck and she became mine. I felt her new fangs pierce the inside of my bicep, drinking from her as she drank from me. Our bodies met, joined, and became one all a perfect symphony of moans and curses and sighs. Skin against skin, then lips on lips and blood mixed with blood. This was the way we were meant to mate, as two creatures of the night; with hearts that beat just as loudly together as vampires, as any two humans in love. She brought me to life, and as we made love I proved to her just how undead she really was.

_a/n: I hope you aren't too disappointed that the smut was jumping up and down with my Delena return for this fic. It was a little more emotional than graphic for me anyway. Don't fear though, I have six more scene to shot fics planned for the already aired episodes and three of them are already started. Expect this girl to be posting fairly quickly. _


End file.
